Were I God I would dive
into the darkest shadows
of being human,
into profound pain,
outrageous loss,
unbearable suffering,
embracing all the tears and the joy I could find,
and I would swim towards Light taking with me
as much of the brokenness everywhere and of all time
as I could gather.

Were I God I would live in despair and in hope.
I would be the inspiration of a poem,
the rainbow, the dew on the grass,
the color of fall, the gentle breeze,
the kind word, the tender touch,
the laughter of children.
I would abide in every flower,
every seed, every cry and sigh,
I would be the possibility of each new moment.

I would be weakness finding strength,
never lording it over others,
but in every humble service,
pitching my tent among the poor,
preferring the outsiders.
I would nestle in vulnerability:
risking and giving Self.

Were I God I would hide
so subtly within all creation
that I could never be caught.
I would be so unutterable
as to resist being talked about,
and hate the name "God"
remembering the oppression
done in my name.

I would exist beyond any word
any symbol, any possible expression,
but I would dwell in every human groan.
I would avoid expected places:
some pulpits, rituals, churches.
I would never be snared
by theology, religion or even prayer.
No sacred book, system or creed could capture
or contain Me... my incomprehensible awful immensities.

I would exist solely to be given away,
with heart not mind,
never to be comprehended or
held by safe orthodoxy:
far more verb than noun.
I would be yearning for freedom,
passion for justice, thirsting for peace,
searching for truth, craving for affirmation,
ardor for sharing, the making of love,
and the ecstasy of surrender.

I would be in every form of hurting
and its transcendence.
I would be gleamed in lowly favors, generosity,
courage, simplicity, compassion
but especially in forgiveness.
I would be aborning ever new
in the bruised and lonely heart.
I would be found more in doubt than in certainty
more in questioning than in righteousness.
I would need to be intimately concealed
because the human ego is so ready to use Me
to elevate itself by judging others.
I would despise the use of presumed truths about
Me to divide the human race, for every sectarian purpose.

Were I God I would enjoy leaving clues, riddles
and traces everywhere, being tracked only
by valiant searchers.
I would glory in the incompleteness of my creatures
and all of my creation, knowing that the human spirit
I sustain could triumph over any human mess
and bring love and equity even as I do,
out of chaos.
I would love transforming futility.

I would let myself be glimpsed in sunrises and sunsets
in the wonders of nature planet earth...
ship and voyager...
cosmic immensities
galaxies and darkness,
in human loving,
yearning and striving,
in quiet stillness and
becoming little
in EVERY human story.

were i god - paschal baute
© Paschal Bernard Baute. Excerpt from Appendix Six, Resilience of a Dream Catcher, A Spiritual Memoir. Published by Smashwords eBooks, 2014.