Even now, as I seek You
in this not so quiet place, and having
more questions than answers,
more doubt than faith,
I ask that You would have mercy
on me and extend grace.

If you love me,
reach for me in this place.

If I do not feel You near,
I will not turn and walk away.

I will wait, until
I am certain that I am
not loved by You, but tolerated;
that I am of a race of people that You
do not care for but have allowed
to abide out of graciousness.

I will wait, because
until now I have known You
not only as a Father,
Saviour, Protector and Friend,
but as a Lover who pursues me
aggressively at every turn.

I will wait, because
amidst the doubt and the fear
is the history that I have with You,
which is evidence that maybe, just maybe
everything that we have shared so far
has been real and You meant
every word You said.