This was not a good week, God. It was nearly impossible to be my best self. Too many people tugged at me and demanded my attention. At times I felt they were contending for my very soul. I don't know how to be everything to everybody and I think maybe I'll never know.
You have said that in every distress or difficulty, there will be a lesson. But God, it's hard to see the lessons when I'm so tired and worn out.
When my family was sick with a stomach virus last week and we were all feverish and fretful, there was never enough time to do all that needed done. It was as if the welfare of the entire family rested on my shoulders alone. But how can that be? I'm not the only parent, even though I felt I was for most of that week. There was only me to tend to the little ones and to cook and clean and I was so sick and so tired. Forgive me for whining, but I felt resentful and abandoned.
I wish I could have been more of a comfort to my family. I was impatient and grumpy. I should have dug deeper in my heart for the inner resources you provide when things look dark. But I didn't God, and I'm ashamed of my selfishness. At the time, I didn't want to be the grown up; I wanted to be a little girl again and have my own mother take care of me.
Today, as I sit talking with you, I beg you to silence the constant drumming of outside interferences so that I might hear your gentle voice, find your tender comfort and learn the lessons you have for me. I need you to help me, God, because I can't do this all by myself. I just can't.
prayer for young mothers - cappy hall rearick - december 2012